ALL FOR NOUGHT

In a matter of hours, the decade known variously as the Noughts, Noughties and Zeroes will be over. We're ten years past 2000AD, and thankfully, we've not yet reached the point of living in domed-off cities or under fascist rule, and neither Robo Hunters, Strontium Dogs or Rogue Troopers roam the wasteland. Now I've got some of my childhood geekiness out of the way, I'll get to my point. Or perhaps... that very geekiness IS my point. (Oooh!)

Trying to define the 2000s in film (or in TV or music or any other art) is tricky, and many themes have seemed to define this decade. But which one sums it up for this particular observer? Democratised/DIY filmmaking? Sure, it's become de rigeur, but it was up and going by 2000, with EL MARIACHI, CLERKS and THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT having a huge effect on filmmakers in the 1990s. Meta-filmmaking, of the Charlie Kaufman school of self-referential through genre-referential through storytelling-mechanics-shifting gymnastics? Perhaps, but Wes Craven was laying foundation for that with NEW NIGHTMARE and SCREAM in the 1990s, as well as Quentin Tarantino's films (which also kickstarted another big 2000s craze: nonlinear narratives). No, if one major thing has filtered its way through both Hollywood and world cinema to, if not define it, at the very least leave its mark on it... it's the Fanboy.

And, no, I'm not being sexist. There are millions of fangirls around the world, and, especially at the tail end of this decade, are becoming a major audience force of their own. But, to a certain extent, their gateway to "fandom" was through material nominally aimed toward teenage boys. Starting from Hollywood and working its way out, major big budget films are being built with a teenage boy mentality at the wheel. The reason it's really taken flight this decade, it seems, is because Generation X, who've become active enough to begin to shape this decade, and Generation Y, who've came of age in the '00s, are the people most -- to borrow a strained pop-psychology phrase -- "in touch with their inner child" than any generation in memory. X & Y are the television/video/DVD/CD/game console/home computer generation; entertainment has always been at our fingertips and many of us have experienced major moments of awakening, realization and discovery before the glow of a screen. Rather than remembering riding our bikes around or summer beach holidays as children, our most powerful memories are of Transformers, Voltron, Kimba, Astroboy, The Goodies, Doctor Who, Batman, Ghostbusters, Marty McFly, E.T., Gremlins... and so on. And, in the 2000s, all that nostalgia just exploded, and the shrapnel became irrevocably ingrained in every facet of popular culture this decade.

From albums of morning-cartoon theme tune covers, to superhero sitcoms, to big screen comic book adaptations, to theme park rides and board games being "adapted" into movies, to t-shirts and fashions incorporating pop culture characters and phrases, to a growing wide awareness of genre and cinematic convention, the "Fanboy" mindset has dominated mainstream cinema like no other. Although, again, Quentin Tarantino and his quotable ilk gave notice of this trend in the mid-90s, it has lit up like a bushfire these last ten years. 1998's BLADE was the first Marvel Films production, but 2000's X-MEN was their first blockbuster, which caught the studios' collective eye in a big bad way. Nine years on, no studio's slate lacks a comic book property.

1999, the last genuinely great year of cinema, was the baton-passing point. While brilliant films jockeyed for attention, we had STAR WARS EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE, which may actually be the most influential film of this decade. From mining the relatively dormant vein of fanboy nostalgia to its computer generated characters, it makes a perfect bookend with one of the last releases of the 2000s, AVATAR. Alongside that is 1999's perception-altering DIY blockbuster BLAIR WITCH, which got people first thinking about selling their handicam opus to Hollywood, which makes an intriguing bookend with another 2009 phenomenon, PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, which has inspired Paramount to open a "microbudget" division, focused on finding said handicam talent.

It's no accident that your mum and dad, who once derided your comic books as juvenile diversions you'll grow out of, are now most likely familiar with the most basic tropes of superheroic lore.

And this is all without even mentioning the elephant in the room: the Internet, the single biggest contributing factor to this cultural shift.

Like it or not, the Fanboy is king, and may be here to stay for some time. But let's leave the future for now, and draw our focus to the recent past, as I present...

MY TOP 25 FAVOURITE FILMS OF THE 2000s

Originally, I was going to go with a Top 10, and do all sorts of charts but, frankly, I'm not ready to spend all that time looking back and dissecting; I'll leave that to others with more time, eloquence and perspective. (If you get some time, check out the top 2000s films of my favourite internet pundits, Jeremy "Mr Beaks" Smith and Drew McWeeny, who are far more analytical and entertaining minds than mine.)

ALSO: I have rather impassioned thoughts on how high-end television (predominately HBO and the BBC) has surpassed film as the dominant, most mature storytelling form of the decade, but everything I want to say on that subject is expressed much better here, by New York Magazine's Emily Nussbaum.

These 25 films represent the films that had the biggest effect on me this decade, in one way or another, the ones I found most entertaining, emotional, thrilling, exasperating, brilliant. The ones which blew me away above all, the ones I have no issue revisiting (some are easier to revisit than others, but it's like family: no matter if it takes years, you know you'll always drop in eventually). The ones that, for me, encapsulate this weird, wild, occasionally wonderful decade. And here they are...

25. BAD SANTA (2003)

For growing into my favourite Christmas movie ever made, for being more corrosively hilarious every time I see it, for being utterly dark but having genuine heart, for the sight of Lauren Graham panting "Fuck me Santa, Fuck me Santa, Fuck me Santa", for perfectly harnessing Billy Bob Thornton's insouciant, world-weary visage and southern drawl for its ultimate purpose: delivering sledgehammer insults to children and midge-- uh, I think they like to be called little people...

24. THE PIANIST (2002)

For showing us new, ever more horrifying angles of the Holocaust we'd never seen (from a filmmaker who actually survived it), for having the balls to make a 150 minute movie virtually silent for huge chunks of time, for Adrien Brody to not only live up to this challenge but soar above it, for a cinematic master to make an elegantly frightening return to form with a story that couldn't help but be intensely personal, for giving us the most revealing account of the Holocaust since (and possibly surpassing) SCHINDLER'S LIST.

23. DEAD MAN'S SHOES (2004)

For giving us the decade's best and most poignant revenge film, for giving Paddy Considine the chance to show how incredibly brilliant he is, for galvanising the burgeoning brilliance of director/co-writer Shane Meadows (which he would build upon with his next film, THIS IS ENGLAND), for creating a tense, emotional and shattering experience like few other on a small budget, for painting its despicable villains as real people, for breaking my heart in two every time I see it.

22. GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK. (2005)

For powerfully defining and perfectly exposing this decade's media-driven culture of fearmongering with elegant precision, for signalling George Clooney's arrival as a filmmaker, for giving the great David Strathairn a perfect lead role, for its outstanding cast of character actors and stars in supporting roles, for its gorgeous black and white images (from the marvellous Robert Elswit) and lush jazz score, for being a class act all the way.

21. BATMAN BEGINS (2005)

For giving me the Bat I've always wanted but never seen on screen, for giving the Dark Knight -- at last -- a film which focused upon him and not his rogues' gallery, for allowing Christian Bale's angry, suave, damaged hero to own the show, for Christopher Nolan's scoring a home run on a major franchise while strongly maintaining his directorial identity, for that playing card at the end, for "You'll never have to."

20. BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN (2005)

For transcending the dismissive "gay cowboy movie" slurs, for Ang Lee's sensitivity and grace in delivering one of the most beautiful, lyrical, tragic and effective love stories ever made, for ending with one of the greatest visual metaphors in film history, for making me cry like a newborn.

19. JUNO (2007)

For taking a story and setting I had no right to be interested in and making it essential, for Jason Reitman's scarily confident storytelling, for its perfect cast, for Diablo Cody's screenplay which, beneath all the archly droll dialogue, lies a giant heart, for showing how teenage pregnancy might be handled if surrounded by loving, level-headed, non-judgmental individuals (ie. in a perfect world), and for being pro-CHOICE, despite what dunderheaded Republicans tell you.

18. JARHEAD (2005)

For finding a fresh angle on the "war is hell" axiom -- not through violence or losing lives, but by being dehumanised and shaped for violence, then relegated to useless bodyguards for interests they barely understand, and have nothing to do but self-destruct -- for showing Sam Mendes can turn his hand to any genre and make it great, for providing stunning imagery, arresting set pieces (some taking place emotionally, others viscerally) and the best war film of the decade.

17. SHAUN OF THE DEAD (2004)

For introducing the furiously talented creators of the definitive Gen-X sitcom, SPACED, to the big screen, for marrying genres effortlessly and making the fondest, most affecting horror-comedy hybrid (NOT a spoof) since AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON, for not cheapening on the horror or the comedy and for being one of this decade's most quotable and constantly watchable films.

16. HIGH FIDELITY (2000)

For surviving the transatlantic change to bring my all-time favourite novel to life perfectly, for providing an excellent follow-up to GROSSE POINTE BLANK and showing us what charisma, intelligence and insight John Cusack is truly capable of as a star/writer/producer (before throwing the rest of the decade away on middling rubbish), for -- again, being eminently quotable and summing up a great portion of my generation.

15. BRICK (2005)

For creating something which paradoxically used well-worn noir conventions but felt truly original, for Rian Johnson's genius in creating (much more than any sci-fi film did this decade) a three-dimensional world for his hard-bitten teens to move around in (of all the crappy sequels we were dished up this decade, it's the one film I would've loved to have seen continue -- with Johnson on board, of course), for giving Joseph Gordon-Levitt a quirkily brilliant heroic lead, and for making a truly remarkable example of a genre that was done to death this decade (only the Coens' THE MAN WHO WASN'T THERE is in its class... okay, that and...)

14. KISS KISS, BANG BANG (2005)

For finally giving legendary Hollywood screenwriter Shane Black the opportunity to display his elegantly, hilariously testicular view of the world unfiltered and unfettered by hack directors or big budgets, for reintroducing Robert Downey Jr 2.0 as a unparalleled leading man (leading to his current much-deserved world domination), for showing us that Val Kilmer (given the right material) could still be great, for providing the perfect summation, satire and loving homage to the noir genre I love so much. And did I mention that dialogue...?

13. PUNCH-DRUNK LOVE (2002)

For taking the genius of Paul Thomas Anderson to new levels, for creating the decade's most dysfunctional yet painfully true and darkly sweet love story, for harnessing the rageaholic manchild persona of Adam Sandler and using it to elicit a genuinely sad, bruised, inspiring performance, for using Emily Watson's innate sweetness and making her powerful, for the discordantly brilliant Jon Brion score, for crafting a true original.

12. A SERIOUS MAN (2009)

For combining everything we've loved about the Coen Brothers' work this decade -- enigmatic scripting, sublime visuals, metaphysical musings, hilarious dialogue, casts of idiosyncratic actors, cheeky endings that throw down the gauntlet to audiences -- into one film and displaying their growing ambition, for asking the big questions -- Why is this happening to me? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why are we here anyway? -- and providing no answers whatsoever except confirming what we all know and fear: there are no answers, at least none we'll ever comprehend, for introducing us to a fantastic new actor in Michael Stuhlbarg, for being entertaining at every turn, for speaking to me on some strange intuitive level.

11. SPIDER-MAN 2 (2004)

For being the very best comic book adaptation in a decade rife with them, for being utterly faithful to all the characters but fearlessly messing with the details in a way that reveals and enhances those characters, for really drilling to the metaphorical heart of who Spider-Man/Peter Parker is and represents, for showing Sam Raimi was no one-trick blockbuster pony, for making a villain I always loathed into a tragic, towering figure, for delivering as all sequels promise but all-too-rarely do, for infusing real character development, startling FX and big-scale action and bringing them to an emotional crescendo... and, of course, for "Go get 'em, Tiger".

10. [REC] (2007)

For giving us the scariest horror picture of the decade, which works in any arena, on any screen, provided you give it your undivided attention, for displaying painstaking craft and attention to detail rarely sighted in horror pictures nowadays, for not manufacturing artificial conflict between characters or making them arseholes for the sake of same, for taking the popular "verite" horror gimmick to technical heights equalled only by CLOVERFIELD (and for about a tenth of the budget), for being utterly believable, for being utterly nerve wracking, for being nothing less than the great white shark of fright machines.

9. BEFORE SUNSET (2004)

For bringing us back to the lives of two thoroughly real characters who we loved, for not feeling like a "sequel" cash-in but rather a visit with old friends, for providing a very thirty-something perspective on filtered dreams, pragmatism and battered-yet-unbowed optimism, perfectly counterbalancing BEFORE SUNRISE's equally affecting, very twenty-something romantic vision of fleeting but forever influential love, for Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy's perfect chemistry and charm, for that wicked, wicked ending.

8. THE INCREDIBLES (2004)

For being the best Pixar film thus far and the very best cinematic take on superhero mythology yet seen, for confirming Brad Bird as a genuine animation auteur, for doing the Fantastic Four better than either of Fox's wretched attempts, for encapsulating everything that makes Pixar studios great -- bulletproof character development, smart plotting, genuine suspense, pure but not sickly sweetness, a story-first philosophy and state-of-the-art computer animation -- and showing us why they've redefined the art of animation this decade, for being sublime.

7. LOST IN TRANSLATION (2003)

For being the definitive lush, elegant, emotional mood piece of the decade, for exploring a friendship as opposed to a romantic love affair, for allowing Sofia Coppola to work through her marriage breakdown and follow up on the promise of the gorgeous VIRGIN SUICIDES, for giving Bill Murray the best role of his career and watching him nail it with small gestures and quiet pain that'll slay you, for giving Scarlett Johanssen something real to do, for showing as loving a look at Tokyo as an American filmmaker has ever given, for just being completely wonderful, and wonderfully sad.

6. OLDBOY (2003)

For introducing me to the inventive, invigorating glory that is South Korean cinema and the singularly brilliant mad genius of writer/director Park Chan-Wook, for taking us places we could never possibly -- and wouldn't want to -- imagine, for making us pay attention to detail, for its jaw-dropping set pieces, for its swirling widescreen camera and baroque score, for beguiling at every turn, for making us look at the cinematic trope of vengeance in a new way, for being that rarity in today's recyclable culture: an original.

5. THE LORD OF THE RINGS (2001/02/03)

For delivering an all-time classic film to befit the legendary reputation of the revered source material, for Peter Jackson and co's absolute love, passion and fidelity for doing it justice, for the unprecedented gamble taken by New Line Cinema to let Jackson do his thing, for Jackson's ambition and supreme filmmaking skill to craft the defining fantasy epic of our age, for the seven years of painstaking effort expended by the immense crew in making everything work perfectly, for Gollum to show us what the future of mo-cap and computer generated characters really held, for creating a genuine classic which thoroughly deserved everyone of its 17 Oscars (and should've won more).

4. THERE WILL BE BLOOD (2007)

For Paul Thomas Anderson's intelligence, guts, vision, unparalleled skill and, yes, genius in bringing us a genuine American classic, for completely defining the ideologically corrupt abyss that the world's richest nation currently finds itself in, for letting Daniel Day-Lewis cut loose while channelling John Huston, for H.W., for nailing a father-son dynamic then shattering it (and me), for Robert Elswit's poetic lensing of harsh landscapes bereft of sympathy, for Jonny Greenwood's fearsome, ever-building score, for providing the perfect comment on our times through the behaviour of two men, without hammering a damn thing home, and for the greatest final line of the decade.

3. KILL BILL (2003/04)

For sharing the pure, thrilling, unbridled joy of exploitation and eastern cinema through the gale-force enthusiasm of Quentin Tarantino, for the exuberant filmmaking and glorious scene-building on display at all times, for a clutch of iconic characters, for giving Uma Thurman the role of a lifetime, for making Michael Madsen badass again, for taking us on a journey through every exploitation genre you can imagine in some part or another, for splitting the two parts up into eastern and western, exhilaration and regret, for the greatest end credit scrawl of the decade, for an exploitation cinephile's dream.

2. ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND (2004)

For being -- in my humble opinion -- nothing less than the greatest cinematic love story ever made, for showing us why relationships die but more powerfully reveal why we must keep them alive, not through hackneyed revelations and forced awakenings but simply by bringing the characters face to face with why they loved each other in the first place -- their own memories, for being the clearest, most accessible vessel for the colossal unwieldy genius of Charlie Kaufman, for making Jim Carrey the most lovingly melancholy romantic lead of the decade, for actually being an honest-to-goodness science-fiction story, for being sweet, bizarre, perception-altering and transcendent all at once.

1. ADAPTATION. (2002)

For showing just how enormously difficult the creative process is, for ostensibly being about writing but actually being about everything, for showing that, as long as you're faithful to the spirit and intention of your source material, you can stretch it in any direction you want to make a great film that honours it, for Spike Jonze's superbly realistic-yet-strangely-surreal direction (how does he do that?), for providing us Nicolas Cage's stunning, career-defining portrayal of two distinct men, performances he'll never ever top, for the narrative gymnastics, for Meryl Streep in every way, for Chris Cooper's broken-down bravado, for Brian Cox's brilliantly bombastic Robert McKee, for "The Three", for the endless quotability, for "Happy Together", and for "That was her business, not mine. You are what you love, not what loves you. That's what I decided a long time ago..." It's the love within you, your capacity for loving, that counts.

And, you know what? I couldn't think of a better, more appropriate line to see out this tumultuous decade.

Happy New Year, all.

And Happy Tens!

Fin.

BITCHFEST '09: A (KINDA SORTA) GOOD YEAR

HAPPY BOXING DAY!

Okay, I have no idea what that means, other than wishing you an ace day. Because, not many people seem to really know for sure what "Boxing Day" is all about. I've read the Wikipedia entry several times, and I'm still none the wiser. But it does serve as a wonderfully convenient cut-off point for my yearly film roundups, as everybody seems to like to hear about such things before New Years, after which it seems to be all about the year ahead. (Although previous Bitchfests have gone live in January, I've not incorporated films released post-Day-of-Boxes.)

For those of you new to this, my annual Bitchfest blog entry is made up of an op-ed (read: rant) about the past year in film, followed by my top 10/bottom 10/5 most overrated/underrated. However, dear reader, you'll be gratified to know it's going to be a lot shorter this year. I've made an early New Year's Resolution to keep my blogs fast, punchy and easily digestible. (Well, whether the quality of my writing is in any way "digestible" is another question, and not one I'm qualified to answer.)

I saw 91 new films released since Boxing Day 2008 -- as usual, more than half (50) were seen at what we all know is the REAL Christmas season, the Melbourne International Film Festival -- which represents a recent high, by a long way. The 41 new non-MIFF releases were WAY up on the 26-30 I've seen each of the last four years. And, you know what?

Of the 91 films... most of them weren't that bad.

Again, I feel the need to reiterate: I'm NOT a film critic. I don't get paid to see films or get sent free passes from distributors. (I have to enter competitions like everyone else.) I don't make a "Worst" list for the simple reason that one can tend to see the truly worst films of the year coming, and give them the wide berth they deserve. So, don't think for a second that my unusually slightly optimistic turn is glossing over the (as Commandant Lassard would say) many, many, many turdular sequels/remakes/rom-coms/music-video horrors/mawkish dramas that Hollywood and, occasionally, some other countries has foisted upon us in 2009. (TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN remains the year's biggest movie, lest we forget.) So I do bristle somewhat when various internet critics/film journos talk this year up as a "great" year for film. Let me tell you something: 1975 was a "great" year for film. 1979. 1967. 1939. 1980. 1999. 2009 ain't in that ballpark, it ain't even the same fuckin' sport. 2009 wasn't even the best cinematic year of this decade.

However... it was a relatively GOOD year for film; probably the best since 2005. We discovered some thrilling filmmaking talent (Steven Kastrissios, James Watkins, Na Hong-Jin), but it seemed to be a year for some old pros to get their groove back in a serious way (The brothers Coen, Lars von Trier, John Woo, Quentin Tarantino) while others, like Sam Mendes, just continued to produce gold in a near superhuman fashion.

While world cinema is in reasonably good shape (despite the traditional methods and philosophy of financing, distribution and exhibition being fundamentally challenged, of course, but film will find a way. It always does), the Hollywood studios are chasing the almighty dollar like never before. Endless quantities of sequels and remakes are being developed, and all new franchises must be engineered and dumbed down to death to appeal to all "four quadrants" (old & young, women & men) before being unleashed. There used to be an art to engineering a popular blockbuster, best exemplified in the 1980s by the person who is, ironically, one of the 2000s worst perpetrators: Jerry Bruckheimer. TOP GUN is such a well-crafted example of something which sets out to hit as many demographics as possible; It has both its jingoistic cake and eats its military piss-take too (to murder a proverb). But whereas films like TOP GUN and BEVERLY HILLS COP had some fun & heart to them, things like PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN and NATIONAL TREASURE just seem lumbering, bloated and soulless to me. Maybe it's my age, or perhaps I actually do have a case... Go look at the stats (budget, length, marketing, script, etc) and get back to me. Money's on me.

But enough ranting, because, as I said, I promised to keep these things to an economical clip. Plus, I feel like being a little more positive this year. Which naturally means it's time to kick off this list:

MY 10 LEAST FAVOURITE FILMS OF 2009

(As mentioned earlier, I've not seen many of this year's truly awful clusterfucks because I value my hard-earned too much to waste these days. GFC and all that. So, I didn't catch TRANSFORMERS 2, ALL ABOUT STEVE, THE UGLY TRUTH, NEW MOON (although I did have an okay time with TWILIGHT), ANGELS AND DEMONS, FAME, BRIDE WARS, GI JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA, etc. But I do feel I should see DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION because it looks so hilariously awful. Enough digressing! On with the counting!)

10. MAO'S LAST DANCER

The incredible true life story of Li Cunxin, a Chinese ballet dancer who defects to Australia, is painted by director Bruce Beresford and screenwriter Jan Sardi with the broadest strokes possible, reducing it to a thoroughly mediocre, pedestrian big-screen equivalent of a midday telemovie. Other than Joan Chen and the surprisingly good Chi Cao in the lead (who, ironically, seemed to be one of the few whose work on the film was derided), the rest of the cast are generally big and one-note -- leading to some unintentionally funny scenes -- and the film is shot without any real style or energy, right down to the cliched music cues (pan flutes over establishing shots of China, anyone?). Only the scenes involving Chen and Li's family back in China hold any emotional power, and that's because they seem to be playing at a more naturalistic, emotionally true level that the rest of the film fails to match. What's more, Beresford keeps the vanilla stylistics up for so long, that when he throws in bizarre directorial flourishes they seem so ridiculously out of place, it pulls one out of the film even more. You'll be hard-pressed to find a more middle-of-the-road film this year.

9. CHANGELING

Feeling more like the heavy-handed touch of the film's producer, Ron Howard, than Eastwood's elegant style, the chilling tale of Christine Collins -- a single mother whose son is kidnapped and whose run-ins with a negligent LAPD find her consigned to a barbaric psychiatric institution -- is filled with every cinematic period/courtroom/asylum drama/serial killer thriller cliche imaginable and rendered completely toothless. Angelina Jolie seems miscast; so distinctive looking and indivisible from her star persona that you don't believe her for a second, no matter how hard she tries (and she tries hard, screaming the words "my son" some 783-odd times). It doesn't help that those famous lips of hers are painted bright scarlet red at all times, drawing total focus in scene upon scene. (I'm not being petty or personal here; Jolie CAN disappear into a role; her terrific performance in Michael Winterbottom's A MIGHTY HEART is proof of that. Eastwood's the one who gets it all wrong.) But even worse is Jeffrey Donovan, the actor playing the villainous LA police captain; everything from his facial expressions to his accent are utterly bizarre, and not in an enjoyably eccentric, Nicolas Cage kind of way, but in a "bad acting" kind of way. CHANGELING takes a can't-miss true story and bashes it into a leaden parade of movie cliches, variable performances and knuckleheaded scripting.

8. MY YEAR WITHOUT SEX

I don't want to beat up on Australian films, but this resoundingly dull kitchen sink drama from Sarah Watt (LOOK BOTH WAYS) has it coming. There's a stunning lack of drama as we follow an average lower-middle-class suburban family from domestic crisis and back again; you have to work really hard to suck so much drama out of life for the screen, but Watt succeeds admirably. The pile-up of domestic crises and screw-ups and illnesses and sexual foibles just deadens the viewer, to the point you're tempted to throw on "Mad World" and shove a shotgun in your gob. Yes, it's the latest in a recent trend of Australian film I like to call "socially conscious Sad Bastard" movies. The actors try, but they've got so little that's interesting to do that they end up fading into the background, making no impression at all. There's a random cameo from Watt's husband, William McInnes, that provides both the film's biggest laugh and a sad reminder of the kind of inspiration the rest of the film lacks. If this film were a house, it'd be grey weatherboard on the outside and wood-panelling on the inside: drab and uninspired.

7. YEAR ONE

I really like Harold Ramis as a director. I also adore Michael Cera, Oliver Platt, Hank Azaria, and once had a big thing for Jack Black, although his shtick has begun to grate through endless repetition. It even uses a script written by two of the main writers of The Office (USA), a sitcom I'm in love with. So much talent... so why is the bulk of YEAR ONE so lamely unfunny? For one, Black is doing his randy, thick, loudmouthed, pot-bellied lech thing here. Again. Cera is doing his standard awkward, sexually uncomfortable routine; thankfully, he owns it, so he manages to scare up some laughs at least. And whatever moments Azaria and Platt have, it's because they're Azaria and Platt, not the script or direction. But the main problem with YEAR ONE is it doesn't feel like a movie. It feels like a sketch show -- and a lame one at that -- with sketches bolted together end-to-end for 90-some minutes. Too many screen comedies try to get away with this these days, but unless you're the Marx Brothers, it doesn't work. The key to movies is story, structure, a thematic through-line... consistently funny jokes also help if you're a comedy. That YEAR ONE fails in all of these fundamental objectives shows just how wrong-headed a movie comedy it is.

6. 2012

Roland Emmerich is as Roland Emmerich does. And that's pretty much it. If you've seen INDEPENDENCE DAY, GODZILLA or THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW, you know what to expect here: terrific actors grabbing a fat paycheck and reciting ridiculously ham-fisted expository dialogue while the world is destroyed in a storm of costly CGI around them. Right or wrong, Emmerich has become our generation's Irwin Allen, a man whose career followed a similar trajectory of dunderheaded all-star disaster schlockbusters, and 2012 just seals the deal. Where this one is worse than the others (okay, maybe it's not worse than GODZILLA. On a par, at least), is that our "heroes" are so stunningly moronic, they end up nearly doing more harm than good, out of pure selfishness. It's been a long time since I barracked for a bad guy as hard as I did in 2012, but it's that kind of film. Sure, the CGI work is some of the best money can buy, but it's a little depressing to see buildings and homes containing hundreds of thousands of innocent people being destroyed while we're supposed to cheer our barely-developed protagonists on. Yep... Roland Emmerich is as Roland Emmerich does.

5. MARTYRS

An attempted torture-porn examination which feels all too much like other recent French horror films, and has all too little of substance to hang its rather laboriously brutal structure upon. Downright illogical at times and winds up feeling utterly pointless. (Full review HERE.)

4. DOUBLE TAKE

A shambling clusterfuck of a pseudo-documentary involving Alfred Hitchcock, the Cold War, Doppelgangers, Nixon & Kruschev, ads for Coffee and a modern Hitchcock impersonator who thought it was ace to meet Tippi Hedren. It makes even less sense than it sounds. If not for archive footage of Hitch's brilliant ALFRED HITCHCOCK PRESENTS introductions & a Nixon/Kruschev press conference, it'd be the most boring, pointless, sloppy film of the year. Perhaps it still is anyway. (Full review HERE.)

3. DEAD SNOW

Nazi Zombies. Those two words are where this moronic horror-comedy's inventiveness starts and ends. And it does absolutely nothing with them. Cribs so shamelessly & mercilessly from so many better films, is so shoddily crafted and sports such detestable characters that you may feel compelled to enact a zombified Final Solution against the filmmakers when it's done. (Full review HERE.)

2. NYMPH

Stillborn, glacially paced Thai modern ghost story that seems to think blank looks into the distance, or at trees supposedly inhabited by spirits, for minutes on end is a good substitute for a story. There's only so much footage of people staring at trees I can take before either sleep descends, or I start shouting at the screen. Neither is a desirable effect. (Full review HERE.)

1. HENRI-GEORGES CLOUZOT'S INFERNO

It was disappointing to hear that this was one of Edgar Wright's film highlights of the year, as I found it one of the worst, driest, least interesting film making-of documentaries ever made. What's more, INFERNO, the abandoned film in question, didn't look too great, either. Whiny anecdotes, uninspired documentary filmmaking, and camera tests from a film that would've dated five years after release are the gems this interminable doc contains. (Full review HERE.)

DISHONOURABLE MENTIONS: A FILM WITH ME IN IT, ZIFT, VAN DIEMEN'S LAND, X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE, LOS BASTARDOS.

TOP 5 MOST OVERRATED FILMS OF 2009

This is a short countdown of those films which have been lavished with Awards/Critical/Audience praise that I just wasn't as jazzed by. Doesn't necessarily mean they're bad films; one or two of them are actually pretty good, but, in my opinion, just aren't as great as so many seem to tell us. Without further ado:

5. SAMSON AND DELILAH

I love that writer/director Warwick Thornton put so much of himself into what is clearly a personal story, and that he's being rewarded beyond his wildest dreams. For me, however, the film didn't completely work. The first and final acts of the film are indeed stunning, showing us an intimate side of the Australian indigenous experience we've rarely seen on film before. It's the middle third, when the kids run away from home, that troubled me. With its procession of petrol sniffing, homelessness and disenfranchisement, it seemed like every documentary or news item I'd ever seen about urban Indigenous life. Perhaps this is just my issue -- and perhaps Thornton has actually made the definitive film about modern Aboriginal life, from community to city -- but it just seemed like it was heaping cliche upon cliche. But what annoyed me even more, was the extent to which Thornton goes to keep Samson & Delilah from speaking. Often, their silence felt organic and character-driven, but as things get more intense, it just seemed forced. (When Delilah tries to run away from Samson on the way to the city, and Samson has to stop her... these kids wouldn't speak AT ALL at this point? Really? Him telling her to stop and get back in the car, and her resisting, comes off as mute acting of Humphrey B Bear proportions, and seemed highly unlikely to me.) Overall, SAMSON AND DELILAH is definitely a very good film... but feels to me to be a little too self-conscious and trading in cliches to be great.

4. MILK

Brilliantly acted, grittily shot, but otherwise stock-standard biopic is a perfectly fine film, but lacks the ambition or focus to be a great one. Harvey Milk is an inspiring figure who met a horribly tragic ending, but the film just seems to go through the motions, ticking the events off until we get to the last stop. Gus Van Sant and Dustin Lance Black clearly have affection for their subject, but the film is executed in the safest way possible.

3. CORALINE

A weird case where all the parts seem to be intact -- stunning & darkly kaleidoscopic visuals, terrific voice cast, quirky design, intelligent use of 3D, Neil Gaiman-penned source material -- but the sum seriously lacks energy and intensity. With everything on display in the film, I should have been thrilled, terrified, gripped... but instead, I could only gaze admiringly at the physical craft, completely distanced from a strangely uninvolving story. The main issue with the script is that, while Coraline is often in danger, it's constantly solved in seconds or through sudden fortuitous intervention, rather than drawing out a genuine sense of suspense. There becomes an expectation that Coraline will win out almost immediately before leaping to the next crisis, and this is death to engendering audience involvement. Memo to animation studio Laika: you wanna be Pixar, watch TOY STORY 2 or THE INCREDIBLES, and see how you fear for those characters. It's all about being "surprising yet inevitable", as the great William Goldman once said.

2. GRAN TORINO

In what some were bafflingly calling a banner year for Clint Eastwood, this film (possibly his last acting role) sees him as an angry, racist old war veteran literally grunting and snarling at his Hmong next door neighbours like an '80s Anime character. The film has some nice moments and brushes up against poignancy at times, but between Clint overdoing the "grumpy old man" bit, the highly variable acting from the (unprofessional) Hmong community cast and the ending's sledgehammer symbolism, it really isn't the great film many critics proclaimed it to be.

1. AN EDUCATION

Lynn Barber's memoir of being seduced by a 30-something cad at sixteen tries to add all sorts of emotional weight to the threadbare issues within, but seems more like an emotionally remote poor-me tale than anything else. There's some snappy dialogue on display thanks to screenwriter Nick Hornby, but Carey Mulligan's lead character seems to start the film as a callow snob and ends it a self-important snob. Mulligan and Peter Sarsgaard are good in isolation, but together, their great love is hardly convincing; she seems to care more about the lifestyle than him. None of the characters' actions in this film seem to have any sort of real consequences; objects are stolen and relationships are broken, but nobody seems to experience any serious apprehension or seismic change. The result is a pleasant enough, utterly vanilla, middle-of-the-road diversion which, perhaps in a better year, would be relegated to the status of average, inoffensive Brit comedy-drama fare like CALENDAR GIRLS or MRS HENDERSON PRESENTS, not buzzed about for Oscar nominations.

ONLY SLIGHTLY LESS OVERRATED: MARY AND MAX, THE HURT LOCKER, STAR TREK.

TOP 5 MOST UNDERRATED

Conversely, here are the films of the year which were either critically slammed, ignored at the box office, snubbed at awards ceremonies or barely released that I believe were hard done by or deserved more respect... or, in the case of #5, I just believe deserves a second look from another perspective...

5. THE SPIRIT

If I haven't alienated people yet, I'm sure I just have now. But I'm beyond caring: I enjoyed the HELL out of the THE SPIRIT. It's not a lame SIN CITY 2 attempt, as many critics have said; while it takes a similar visual approach, the mood is completely different: it's not gritty, it's wacky, sexual and, yes, silly as all get out. What critics don't seem to get is, Will Eisner's character was a piss-take of superheroes (yes, there's a reason the female lead is named after a font) and one of the two things this film is, is a satire of the superhero genre. But the principal function of THE SPIRIT is the complete cinematic exploration of writer/director Frank Miller's obsessions and fetishes. It's his first (and, likely, only) film as sole auteur, and anyone familiar with his comics work will see he's all over it. S&M style costuming, female derrieres, square-jawed heroes acting all hard-bitten yet completely thick-headed, a "dames & dicks" approach to gender... THE SPIRIT is nothing less than a portal into Miller's head. I have a real soft spot for films where you see the filmmaker's heart and soul infused into every frame, for better or worse. But it is spectacularly wrong at times; every scene involving Samuel L Jackson's villainous campmeister general The Octopus is a jaw-dropping testament to the very core of "What. The. Fuck??!" weirdness. THE SPIRIT is so pretty yet so inappropriate, so wrongheaded and so skewed, you can't help but have fun with it. Trust me on this: in a decade, it'll be to the Noughts what HUDSON HAWK was to the Nineties: the goofily bizarre bomb people guiltily love as a cult classic. It may as well be called BEING FRANK MILLER, and for this, I kind of adore it.

4. JCVD

Jean-Claude Van Damme makes the comeback of the decade with a performance that reveals something we've never known: the man can act. Speaking his own language and playing a variation of himself, what he really brings to this movie -- which could potentially change his career -- is a serious dose of painful, naked honesty. Honesty about who he is, how he's presented himself, where his career has been and where it's at now, what the future may hold... it's all here, and it's kind of heartbreaking and inspiring, all at once. As a result, he is more likeable than he's ever been, and comes off as a real human being. No doubt, this particular goal of the movie is a little self-serving, but it's also overdue, and I say good on him. But this kind of honesty from one so previously guarded clearly comes from a place of trust, and director/co-writer Mabrouk El Mechri serves him well, never embarrassing his star and serving up a pretty fun and punchy action-comedy in the bargain. But it's the centrepiece of the film, a six-minute direct-to-camera monologue from Van Damme, that will really leave its mark on you.

3. THE CHASER

A serial-killer action thriller from South Korea which hits all the cliches head on and breaks them in half, with frightening confidence from debut feature writer/director Na Hong-Jin. Dark, thrilling, visceral, clever and funny as hell. (Full review HERE.)

2. SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK

A work of staggering, intimidating detail and narrative layering, it demands to be seen two or three times. It's a thing of pure genius, and therefore, thoroughly misunderstood by most who come into contact with it; although I loved it, I'm sure I did too. It's only that lack of multiple viewings to deeper decode its mysteries -- and my possible lack of comprehension -- that's keeping it out of my Top Ten this year. What rankles is how such an ambitious, amazingly executed work was completely ignored by the Academy and even most critical groups at awards time. SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK is a puzzle from a mastermind, one which is frequently funny, bizarre, inspired and that rarity in today's cinema: a thoroughly original, intelligent, entertaining, one-of-a-kind work.

1. THE HORSEMAN

Wow. THE HORSEMAN represents not only the kind of Australian film I'd like to see, but the kind I'd love to make. It's a harsh, thrilling, violent, heartfelt action thriller, the likes of which we haven't seen in Australia since -- I'm gonna say it -- MAD MAX, thirty years ago. Writer/Director/Editor Steven Kastrissios is disgustingly young to be making a film this powerfully bruising and assured, and he should be a model for every DIY young genre filmmaker in the country. It's no cheap-and-nasty throwaway; it looks great, is cut with both restraint and abandon and is written with a strong sense of character and observation. Even the horrifically boofheaded villain characters are well-drawn and almost likeable. It's closest ancestor is Shane Meadows' masterful DEAD MAN'S SHOES and, while it's not quite as great as that film, I am proud to say it's the best equivalent I've seen since.

ONLY SLIGHTLY LESS UNDERRATED: RED CLIFF, WHATEVER WORKS, THE DAMNED UNITED, TROUBLED WATER, HOME MOVIE.

Now, if I haven't polarised everyone enough, here are my...

TOP 10 FILMS OF 2009

10. THE WRESTLER

While JCVD may have represented the comeback of the decade, Mickey Rourke here runs a close second. We all knew that Rourke had some serious talent back in the day, and Darren Aronofsky's beautiful tribute to broken people trying to make a connection reminds us how great the actor can still be. Robert Siegel's screenplay is honest without varnish, emotional without mawkishness, and Aronofsky's sensitive, unobtrusive direction only enhances it. Marisa Tomei is also in career best form as a stripper who Rourke's character attempts to start a relationship with, and the doomed efforts of two people -- who are together only because they're all that's left -- to forge a love will slay you. But it's Rourke's battered face and his character's equally battered optimism, whether trying to make the most of a shitty supermarket day job, or pleading with his daughter, or giving his all in the staged yet violent intensity of a cage match, that will break your heart. With all due respect to Sean Penn's excellent performance, the Oscar should've been Rourke's.

9. BALIBO

Robert Connolly more than lives up to the ideals laid out in his "White Paper" by making the kind of tough, bracing political thriller we used to make decades ago. Visually and tonally reminiscent of Steven Soderbergh's work, brilliantly acted and utterly absorbing, it is a fitting epitaph to those who risk their lives in the pursuit of truth, and a small country which has fought tooth and nail for the independence it has today. The scene where the "Balibo Five" meet their fate will go down as one of the all-time classic scenes in Australian cinema history; it will crush you. (Full review HERE.)

8. WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE

This may have taken forever to get here -- from issues with the FX to Spike Jonze's battles with Warners -- but some things prove to be worth the wait. Director/co-writer Jonze and co-writer Dave Eggers have mined the classic (and very slight) children's book for all possible meaning and emotion, fashioning a more poignant rumination on childhood and emotional anxiety than anything that's come before. Jonze and cinematographer Lance Acord fill every frame with both nostalgia and sadness, and the FX to create the Wild Things is utterly faultless; the way they move, jump, emote... they don't look like CGI or people in suits: they're living, breathing, feeling Wild Things. Max Records is perfect as Max; his impromptu rages, his unbridled joy, his mood swings, his tears, his selfishness, his petulance: in every way, Max is a real kid, not a movie kid. The more I think about this film, the more I love it. It may even be a masterwork. I'd be tempted to call it the glummest kid's film ever made, if I actually believed it was intended for kids. But this is for adults, about the child in all of us; the one person whom we all never really leave behind, the one we never really reconcile with.

7. THE READER

This film was slammed repeatedly for allegedly beating THE DARK KNIGHT out of a Best Picture slot, which I can't understand, because I thought it was the only justifiable nominee there. Why not slam the overwhelmingly average SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE or the half-good BENJAMIN BUTTON? Or why not actually see THE READER and experience what a beautiful, dark, complex film it really is. Kate Winslet has never been better, and young David Kross is terrific as the boy who falls under her spell. Winslet's character -- who craves love but finds it with an underage boy, who always does what she thinks is right even when this includes serving as a guard at a Nazi concentration camp -- is one of the most brilliant, sensitive studies in what we like to simplify as "evil" I've ever seen. The film deals with the German nation's post-Holocaust guilt and the nature of love better than most films I've seen as well. The first hour of the film, which deals with Winslet and Kross's love affair is a portrait of tentative, guarded passion worthy of Ingmar Bergman. The film changes tones for the second hour, but is just as effective, tragic and absolutely refuses to make easy judgments. I really love this film.

6. INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

Quentin Tarantino's symphonic World War II epic is full of great ideas, style, bravura filmmaking and a megaton of moxie, as he turns history on its head and introduces some of the most amazing cinematic characters of the year; none moreso than Christoph Waltz's brilliant Nazi Colonel Hans Landa, a master detective worthy of Sherlock Holmes who, unfortunately, just happened to find his calling with the Gestapo. Much, much more than the "men on a mission" flick we were teased, INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS is not only a fun mishmash of WWII cinema history but, most crucially, a true cinephile's tribute to the serious and potentially terrifying power of cinema. (Full review HERE.)

5. EDEN LAKE

Simply put, the best horror film of the '70s made in the Noughts. A breathless, dark, scary, nasty thriller with pressing social concerns on its mind -- the divide between the haves and have-nots, between young and old, about communities who protect each other from "outsiders" at all costs -- James Watkins makes a frighteningly powerful debut as a horror filmmaker to watch. (Full review HERE.)

4. THE BAADER-MEINHOF COMPLEX

The film which should've won the Best Foreign Language Film Oscar last year, this epic look at 1960s West German militant socialist terrorist group The Red Army Faction is a brilliant, visceral examination of what kind of measures people feel they need to take to truly challenge an oppressive government, while trying not to lose your soul in the process, or forget the positive intentions you began with, and how the best intentions can be corrupted by misplaced passion and arrogant hubris. It's a compelling historical political drama directed like an action thriller and, as the real-life RAF were actually comprised of young and physically attractive university students and reporters, the cast are almost uniformly knockouts. Thankfully, they're also believable and terrific (although Andreas Baader is played by Moritz Bleibtreu as something of a juvenile hothead). THE BAADER-MEINHOF COMPLEX is about as compelling, thrilling, thoughtful and entertaining a film about political dissidents you'll ever see.

3. THE COVE

A truly astonishing documentary which goes to heroic -- and, let's be honest, highly entertaining --lengths to record the heartbreaking slaughter of dolphins off the Japanese coastal fishing town of Taiji. An important film about an important issue that must -- and can -- be stopped. (Full review HERE.)

2. AWAY WE GO

After building a career directing prestige dramas, Sam Mendes tackles a heartfelt low-budget indie and proves equally adept. His strengths have always been composing beautiful, achingly precise imagery and creating affectingly three-dimensional characters, and neither quality deserts him here. John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph are flat-out wonderful as a couple who drive around North America searching for the right place to bring up their unborn baby. It sounds like a sucky Sundance wannabe, but it really isn't; it's not quirky, snarky, cutesy (no "manic pixie dream girls" to be found) or sickly sweet, and our couple are in no way smug or condescending. The screenplay, by spousal novelists Dave Eggers (big year for him) and Vendela Vida, is an honest, hilarious and emotional look at the way people's different approaches to parenting can also be seen as their way of facing the world, which may be to mock it, to judge it, or simply to embrace it. (At the very least, their screenplay should be nominated for an Academy Award, but it seems to be ignored in favour of lesser aspirants.) It's a genuinely gorgeous film, filled with absolute love from start to finish -- actually a living, feeling antidote to the glut of preciously cliched "indie" films out there. (Full review HERE.)

...and now, the one all three of you have been waiting for...

My favourite (and, for my money, best) film of 2009 is...

1. A SERIOUS MAN

After hating BURN AFTER READING and liking but not loving NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN, I bet this is the last film you'd expect to see topping this chart. But it does, by a WIDE margin. And I'm not even completely sure why. Ostensibly a Job-like tale of a good man having all of life's indignities thrown at him and trying to make sense of what is essentially senseless, it feels like nothing less than the human experience rolled up into a film. Some scenes don't make conscious sense, some may on subsequent viewings, some may never. But that's like life, isn't it? We can go our whole lives and never comprehend many events. But what I love about the Coens' approach is, they make every scene so entertaining, that while this puzzle of a film may perplex and baffle us at times, it's always compulsively watchable. This film really spoke to something within me, something both instinctual and intellectual. Between random acts of nature and the response of the "three rabbis", it sums up my feeling about God, religion, atheism, science: they're all ways in which we humans fumble about in an attempt to understand things we cannot ever possibly hope to truly understand. There are things and concepts in life which we're simply not wired to comprehend, but through classic human arrogance, we're sure we can. No-one can prove the existence of God, but no-one can conclusively prove against it, either. But the most terrifying concept for many humans to grasp is, sometimes, things just happen. There may be a cause-and-effect, but it's likely something closer to the Butterfly Effect, where the cause occurred so long ago and so far away, and be so tenuously related, that it may actually be nigh-untraceable to the effect. And this seems to scare the living crap out of most people. But, ultimately, it's how the nature of the world and galaxy around us works, and we're all just monkeys fumbling for solutions. A SERIOUS MAN will get you thinking about some serious issues, but it's also one of the funniest and brilliantly crafted (Roger Deakins' cinematography is, as always, sublime) films you will see, this year or any other. For mine, it stands shoulder to shoulder with the best of the Coens' works, MILLERS CROSSING and FARGO, and is a stunning indication of the boundless possibilities that await them, that their ambition only grows with age. The Coen Brothers are BACK, in a big bad way.

JUST MISSED OUT, or THE BEST OF THE REST: THE HORSEMAN; SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK; THE CHASER; REVOLUTIONARY ROAD; ANTICHRIST.

Thanks for reading, hope you've enjoyed it, and here's to a fabulous 2010!

All the very best,

TSIK

THOROUGHLY MIFFED PART II: FINAL CHAPTER (PART 2) - ONCE UPON A TIME IN MOVIE-OCCUPIED MELBOURNE

The time for preamble has well and truly passed...

MY TOP 10 FILMS OF MIFF 2009 (5th - 1st)

5th - BALIBO

Last year, noted Australian producer/director/screenwriter Robert Connolly wrote a document for the then-Australian Film Commission to explore what was wrong with the Australian film industry, known forevermore as the "White Paper". His findings and suggestions were logical, practical and brilliantly advocated. At the point he wrote the White Paper, Connolly had written and directed two features: 2001's THE BANK and 2005's THREE DOLLARS. I haven't seen THE BANK -- though I hear it's rather good -- but they both seem to be very personal, humanist takes on modern life in a capitalist society. Not exactly box-office magnet material, and what's more, THREE DOLLARS was thoughtful yet not entirely successful in its exploration of that issue. So, although his films had shown Connolly to be a thoughtful man and a quality filmmaker, they weren't game-changers. After the White Paper, fairly or no, Connolly's next film had to be. To rock a cliche, he had to put his money where his mouth is. Boy, did he ever. BALIBO is Connolly's Babe Ruth move. Man pointed to the fence, took a huge swing and smacked the ball out the park.

Everything about BALIBO is world-class. From the performances, to the writing, to the cinematography, editing, score and, most of all, Connolly's direction, you never get the feeling you're watching "an Australian film" in the traditional sense. It's arresting, bracing, engrossing filmmaking. It's an exploration of a true-life tragedy beautifully and sensitively framed through genre as an investigative political thriller, and delivers as heroic tribute, political indictment and entertaining movie. Many reviews have highlighted the film's "importance" and "worthiness", exploring as it does the fractured history of East Timor and Australia's role in it, and I suppose it is both of those things. But what should really be prized, what prospective audiences need to know, is how flat-out suspenseful it is.

By the time we get to the opening credits, it's clear Connolly is playing at another level, and the film continues on that path, with the introduction of semi-retired Aussie journo Roger East (a terrific Anthony La Paglia) and charismatic Timorese revolutionary Jose Ramos Horta (the electric Oscar Isaac), and on through their journey to East Timor, which is juxtaposed against the formation of the two rival Aussie news crews (a wonderful ensemble of young actors, highlighted by Damon Gameau and Gyton Grantley) who headed there a month earlier and haven't reported back.

I can't talk about BALIBO without mentioning its centrepiece scene. As the reason the film (and Cover-Up, the novel upon which it's based) exists is the death of the Balibo Five journos, it's not a spoiler to tell you that the young men met their end in that East Timorese town. But the scene in which they meet their end... this is the scene Connolly's film will be remembered by. It's genuinely frightening, horrendously tense and incredibly, heartbreakingly sad. It's among the most visceral scenes of the year and by far the most notable scene in Australian film this decade. The film continues its excellence thereafter, but the callous murder of those journalists will be what you'll take away with you. I can only imagine what the dead men's families must have been going through, as they watched the film's premiere.

What it shares with Connolly's previous work is a deep sense of humanism, of ordinary people trying to survive as the landscape around them distorts into something increasingly senseless. Other than tiptoing around the Whitlam Government's negligence in the entire matter -- from allowing the Indonesian invasion to happen unchecked to taking its sweet time investigating the journalists' disappearance -- BALIBO rarely puts a foot wrong. Connolly, screenwriter David Williamson and their team have made a world-class political thriller of heft, respect and prestige. If we made more pictures like this, Australia would have a world-class industry.

4th - INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS represents the end of an era for Quentin Tarantino. His career has two definitive phases: the Enfant Terrible (from RESERVOIR DOGS to FROM DUSK TILL DAWN; the initial, exciting burst of scripts) and the Rock Star Director (JACKIE BROWN to BASTERDS; his subsequent attempts to live up to/play with his superstardom). Of all the projects he's talked, hyped and written during the last eighteen years that actually had a chance of being made (THE VEGA BROTHERS was a pipe dream and you know it), BASTERDS is his last long-in-gestation project of legend. He seemed to have realised this as the decade drew to a close, and he put it on the fast track. Now I've seen BASTERDS, and thus the end of this second phase, I've never been more excited to see what he does next. But right now: just how does Tarantino's World War II epic stack up?

Thankfully, much of it is glorious (or glourious). The film opens with a chilling, elegantly paced masterclass in sustained suspense and clever wordplay -- I'm talking PULP FICTION vintage here -- all of which serves to gleefully remind us that we're back in Tarantino's World. This opening is anchored by one of the filmmaker's most delicious creations: Nazi Col. Hans Landa, known by self-perpetuated legend as "The Jew Hunter". Colonel Landa -- played to thoughtful, devilish perfection by German TV actor Christoph Waltz, a star-making effort which should land him an Oscar -- is a lateral-thinking master detective in a Gestapo uniform; a man who would've been at home in tales by Conan Doyle, Chandler or Hammett if he hadn't hitched his star to the twentieth century's most diabolical regime.

After this, we're introduced to the Basterds themselves, led by an hilariously exaggerated Brad Pitt (who stays only just on the right side of mugging) and Eli Roth (who is effective enough, but smartly, sparingly used). Here he springs spaghetti western iconography, a punchy origin story and inspired violence on us in his mischievous way. Then, we meet Shoshanna Dreyfus (a fantastic Melanie Laurent, who is affecting as both bruised victim and guerilla warrior) and we're suddenly veering into intelligent, seething, genuinely emotional territory; the kind we haven't seen Tarantino deal with since JACKIE BROWN. There are more terrific characters that pop up (Daniel Bruhl's reluctant celebrity Nazi sniper, Michael Fassbender's dapper British soldier, Til Schweiger's serial Nazi killer, Jacky Ido's steadfastly faithful projectionist) which reminds us of one of Tarantino's greatest qualities as a writer and director: there's no such thing as a small part in one of his films. Everyone gets the chance to make an impression.

Tarantino makes each scene its own symphony, drawing them out for suspense, dramatic effect, or merely to immerse the audience in this alternate history he's created. The film is superbly assembled -- editor Sally Menke and cinematographer Robert Richardson distinguish themselves again -- but with all these very distinct symphonies going on, some scenes can feel a little isolated from the rest. But when these set pieces are so brilliantly executed, it's silly to complain. From the quietly Hitchcockian opening interrogation scene, to the berserk imagery of the insane denouement, it's packed with sure-to-be classic movie moments.

My only issue with this film is that, even at 152 minutes, it feels severely truncated. The loss of an hour or more of Tarantino's script does hurt. I would have loved to have seen origin stories of all of the Basterds, and more scenes of them making their way through more enemy lines like the proverbial unstoppable force. The film's title characters are actually the least explored, and come off -- to employ a WACKY RACES metaphor -- as the wacky The Ant Hill Mob to Shoshanna's Penelope Pitstop, helping her to stop Landa's Dick Dastardly. It really feels as if Tarantino started with his much-quoted "men on a mission" concept but, when it came to finishing his script last year, became more interested in Shoshanna. I'm actually fine with that, as Tarantino and Laurent make her a fantastic character. And, of course, there's Landa...

But Tarantino isn't just concerned with making a definitive World War II action picture. He peppers the film with cinema, and cinematic references, throughout, highlighting just how key the moving picture was to the twentieth century (and continues to be): since invention, cinema has been an important cog in the wheel of society; from a powerful form of mass escapist entertainment, to a method of communication, as a vehicle for ideas and a tool of propaganda. In the wrong hands, cinema can be deadly, and in the right ones, a stunning force for change, and I suspect this is Tarantino's raison d'etre behind BASTERDS, as he hits all these issues right on the button. There's also been the inevitable charges that the film aims for some kind of post-9/11 catharsis, to see terror brought to bear by victims tired of fighting without answers or end, and I don't think these claims are without validity.

Most of all, BASTERDS is a big-canvas popcorn epic the likes of which Tarantino has never attempted before (as opposed to KILL BILL's big-canvas exploitation cult epic) and largely succeeds. The dialogue is his best since PULP FICTION, the characters as iconic as The Bride or Jules Winfield, the reimagining of the fall of the Third Reich as audacious as plunging a hypodermic needle into Uma Thurman's heart. His symphonic scenes do swirl, dovetail and build to quite the crescendo, and Pitt's final line reflects the ambition on display. Is it Tarantino's "masterpiece"? No. The whole is not quite perfectly cohesive enough to topple PULP's crown, or match DOGS' youthful punch and punk brevity, but the man won't die wondering.

3rd - EDEN LAKE

In today's hyperbolic entertainment media, we're always being told some here-today, forgotten-tomorrow blockbuster is the new *insert classic film title here*, or the "just like the dramas/comedies/horror films of the *insert classic film decade here*, with only the barest, most cosmetic relation to such things. The thing is, I've heard no such thing about this brilliantly nasty little UK thriller, but it is the real deal. Believe me when I say this:

EDEN LAKE is the best 1970s horror film made in the Noughts/Oughts/Noughties (what IS the name of this decade, anyway?).

It's tight. It's gritty as all hell. It's, as mentioned earlier, nasty -- but not maliciously so. Just because, that's the world we live in and, at times, nasty is exactly how life plays out. It feels so damned REAL. You'll find no comfort here. And, underneath the most white-knuckle, emotive thriller I've seen in years... it's PACKED with social comment. EDEN LAKE effected me on a truly visceral level, more than any film I can remember. Again, this sounds like hype, but I can assure you of two things: 1) It's not, and 2) It may just be something very personal to me.

You know how the Neighbourhood Watch (the NWA, heh heh) in HOT FUZZ are always up in arms about the "Hoodies"; the hoodie-wearing teen ne'er-do-wells stalking around town? It's one of countless funny things in that flick, but I have to make a reluctant confession: I'm a little like that myself. I refuse to buy into the kind of depressive, apocalyptic, right-wing headlines of the tabloid press; I'm in no way a Current Affair/Today Tonight-style guy. The world is not on the verge of economic collapse, nor are the local magistrates slapping every criminal in the state upon the wrist. But, walking through the city at night, it's hard not to notice that there's a more violent flavour to young people these days.

I've seen cops counseling some beaten, unassuming looking dude with a swollen face, as young assailants scamper away up the block. I am in no way a confrontational person, nor out in the city all that often, yet on two occasions this year I've had someone make an unprompted crack at me; possibly for the heinous crime of looking at someone for a split second. On both occasions, I kept walking away. Had I turned and responded, I'm sure -- as the kids say -- shit would've been ON. It just seems that so many young people in their late-teens to early-20s are so damned angry nowadays. Get a couple of drinks into them, they'll just mouth off to anyone and, it seems, throw down in seconds. Scoff if you like, but it can be sort of terrifying out there. So, this film hit me in a very personal place. (Also: My partner, who doesn't share my rampantly ageist sentiments, was also terrified by the film. So it doesn't matter how you slice it, it's just a damn good and scary horror/thriller.)

So why am I telling you all this? Because EDEN LAKE is very much about this generation. The story concerns a 30ish couple (Kelly Reilly and the ubiquitous Michael Fassbender, his 3rd film this MIFF) go for a camping trip on a beach just outside a struggling outer-city town, where all looks fine, until they encounter a group of teenagers who set up nearby and turn their music up to 10. Fassbender tells them to turn it down, they refuse... and that's all it takes. From there, the teens (who include Shane Meadows favourite Thomas Turgoose) just start screwing with them, and this escalates to horrific, frightening proportions. But before we get to the lake, we see the kids in town and the home life of one in particular, which is harsh and abusive. None of this is signposted or hamfisted, it's all extremely organic to the film. (Okay, there's ONE SCENE where our path to a destination feels a mite contrived, but it comes early and it's done.) And the couple's fight for life is so harrowingly realistic, and so patently inescapable, my partner and I spent much of the film digging into each others' arms. It really is that effective.

It's a rare horror film which manages to hit hot-button social issues, address firmly entrenched English class divisions, tap into all sorts of primal fears AND scare the holy crap out of its audience, but EDEN LAKE does it all with vicious precision. It is these qualities that give it more of a kinship to 1970s classics like LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT or THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE than a million Platinum Dunes remakes. Writer and debut director James Watkins emerges as a serious horror talent to watch. This is essential viewing for horror/thriller enthusiasts, but I won't kid you: it's as bleak as hell.

2nd - THE COVE

Some documentaries make you think. Some elicit empathy. And some, like THE COVE, are calls to action. Funnily enough, I saw this film pretty much purely on the Twitter recommendation of Nash Edgerton. I've ordinarily no interest in documentaries about dolphins, or marine life, or animal cruelty. Just not my cup of tea, frankly. So, expecting little, I went along to see it. And now, although we've never met or spoken, I want to thank Mr Edgerton, with all my heart. My eyes have been opened to what is one of the very best documentaries of the decade.

Yes, it's one-sided. Yes, it's angry, cocky, blunt, emotive and, at times, manipulative. Calls to action always are. And, let's be honest: there's no defence for whaling Dolphins. The people in charge of the whaling parties claim Dolphin meat is a traditional Japanese delicacy -- even though several average Japanese citizens are interviewed and seem to know nothing about this tradition, and that Dolphin meat has been shown to display lethal levels of Mercury -- but that, too, is indefensible. It's like Bullfighting: screw tradition, it's just cruel and pointless. Cease, desist, evolve. It's that simple.

But the most fascinating figure in THE COVE is Ric O'Barry. In the 1960s, he captured, trained and looked after the dolphins that played "Flipper" in the famous TV show, which made the world fall in love with the grace and intelligence of dolphins. The reason we now have dolphins in captivity and performing tricks in marine parks all round the world is almost directly attributable to "Flipper's" success, and O'Barry knows this. He always respected the great mammals, but one day -- I'll let him tell it, because it's saddening -- he realised they were much more. They were not just like us, but exactly like us, at least in their cogent understanding of captivity and craving freedom. With that, he became an activist against dolphin captivity virtually overnight and, by his own admission, he's spent the last 30 years trying to destroy an industry he spent years helping to create. His guilt over his part in the dolphin trade has never left him, and this makes O'Barry a poignant figure, as well as an inspirational one.

O'Barry's been trying to expose the Dolphin whaling trade in Japan for years, in particular the activities that go down in a naturally cloistered cove in Taiji, a coastal fishing village. It's his ultimate attempt to show the world these hidden atrocities that form the backbone of the film, as he's found a kindred spirit in nature photographer, and the film's director, Louie Psihoyos. Psohoyos uses his contacts to assemble a crack team of free divers, special effects gurus (from ILM, no less!), extreme sportspeople and surveillance experts to pull off a daring plan to sneak into Taiji, set up cameras and get this stuff on tape. The director refers to this as an "Ocean's Eleven-style" operation, and he isn't far wrong. The formation of this ragtag group, and their various personalities, is actually a hell of a lot of fun, and the efforts they go to capture the footage is nothing short of heroic. It really is stunning, and when you see the footage... I won't presume to speak for anyone else, but it brought me to tears. It's tough, heartbreaking, truly shocking vision.

For a first-time documentarian, Psihoyos really knows how to keep things humming along, and although it isn't always visually resplendent (surprising for a film made by a photographer), the man clearly has a gift for telling a riveting story. THE COVE is an effective piece of propaganda most will agree with, a inspirational document of how far people will go to save other living beings, an enormous screw-you to the Japanese whaling industry, and a crackerjack tale. A must-see.

...and now... *ahem* ...drumroll please... my favourite film of MIFF 2009 is............

1st - AWAY WE GO

Before I review a single frame of AWAY WE GO, I would like to take a moment to thank Ken Loach. See, I was originally booked in to see his comedy LOOKING FOR ERIC, but due to a fairly tiny amount MIFF were accepting from the Israeli government to fly a filmmaker over for the premiere of an Australian-Israeli co-production, he pulled his film from the festival. In its place, obviously working some clever string-pulling, the good folks at MIFF announced that they would be screening the new film from Sam Mendes. That's all I needed to know. Cast & story be damned, this is the man who made AMERICAN BEAUTY and JARHEAD. Having never seen a full-length Ken Loach film before and thinking JARHEAD and BEAUTY are each among the best films of their respective decades, I was likely happier than most that Loach had dropped out. And this was all before I saw the film.

I'm happy to say I absolutely, unequivocally, unashamedly loved AWAY WE GO. It's a terrific screenplay from novelist marrieds Dave Eggers and Vendela Vida, full of left-turns, sharp observations, real emotion, clever laugh-out-loud dialogue and, well... just good intentions. It's about a couple (John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph) who are about to have a baby and, like all young parents-to-be, want to do the best they can by their unborn and aren't sure they have the first clue how to do it. They're living a rather green existence out on the fringe, which is all fine, but circumstances force them to make a change, and they vow to raise their child in an atmosphere of both love and stability. So they head off on a journey around the US and Canada, dropping in on family and friends and looking for the perfect place to raise their family. It sounds schmaltzy on paper, but the film is anything but. Thing is, I adored this film as someone who is not in the least bit paternal, and has no desire to ever father children. I'm never a sucker for this sort of thing, but -- ultimately -- it's about love, real love, and who can't relate to that? Also, it's just too great and smartly executed to resist.

First of all, it's hilarious. Not in a dull, one-for-the-oldies, DEATH AT A FUNERAL-type way, but in a clever, sharp, observant way that recalls -- but is absolutely distinct from -- films like GARDEN STATE and JUNO. (They're all children of THE GRADUATE. Actually, the very end of this film reminded me a little of THE GRADUATE's final shot, at least in tone.) Eggers and Vida's dialogue sounds a little contrived and writerly when film begins, but your ear acclimatises pretty quickly, and it never seems to strike a false note.

The performances are all wonderful; from the ever-loveable Krasinski, to the surprisingly affecting Rudolph, to guest roles from the likes of Allison Janney, Jeff Daniels, Catherine O'Hara and Maggie Gyllenhaal. But the ones who really stole the film for me were Chris Messina and Melanie Lynskey as their friends living in Montreal. There's a scene with Lynskey and Messina in a Montreal pole-dancing bar that absolutely breaks your heart in two. It's beautifully shot and everything is done just right; the Alexi Murdoch song score is reminiscent of Nick Drake, but works beautifully, perfectly capturing the smart but gentle tone of the piece.

All in all, the film is another unqualified triumph for Mendes, who can do no wrong from where I sit. We're so used to seeing him make sumptuous, big budget, Oscar-baiting dramas (but in the best way), to see him turn his hand at an indie-style comedy/drama and succeed so brilliantly is a testament to the man's skill. This is clearly a very personal project for both recent father Mendes and Eggers & Vida (apparently the authors based the script loosely upon their own experiences) and the pure love and goodwill shines through in every frame. This film is flat-out gorgeous, without insulting one's intelligence or turning on the schmaltz for a second. It ends on an optimistic note of discovery, but tempered with caution about the ever-uncertain future. And, if we're honest with each other, that's pretty much how we all live day to day, I suspect. AWAY WE GO is a wonderful, magnificent beast; a film that should speak to anyone who's ever tried to find their place in this world.

Thank you for following me on this epic countdown, I hope you've enjoyed reading it almost as much as enjoyed watching the films!

Over and out,

TSIK